My groom and I are fastly approaching our 11 year anniversary. (I just had to do the Math in my head, because it doesn’t seem like that long ago.) I can still remember what was happening 11 years ago at this time. I was graduating from college with my teaching degree, I’d just been hired to teach 3rd grade, and this 22 year old was a few weeks from marrying her best friend. Derek and I really thought we knew what we were doing. Looking back at pictures of us on our wedding day makes me wonder, were we even old enough to get married?!?!
We couldn’t wait to be married and move in together! A whole new life was waiting for us and we could hardly stand the excitement. On June 1, we said “I do” and then I got to play house (for real!). It was a great time, and I’d rewind to that time, any day of the week.
No one warned me what being married to a pig and crop farmer would be like, and if they did, I wasn’t listening. I was in love and nothing was going to stop me from marrying this man! I’m still in love with this man, even though sometimes I need to scream on top of a mountain to let out my frustration. That’s normal, right?
My First Lesson: Time doesn’t Matter
I grew up in a little house in town. My parents were both home most nights and we ate supper, together. We were rarely late to anything and if we RSVP’d to an event, we went.
There are very specific memories in my head of riding in the feed truck with my husband during the first or second summer of marriage and being SOO ANGRY. We were supposed to have went to an event, but instead, Derek had to haul feed to some pigs. I remember crying and probably yelling because I just couldn’t understand why someone else on the farm couldn’t do this job, for him.
A few fights and years later, I remember crying tears of frustration and embarrassment on our way to church. I was supposed to run the screens. We were going to be LATE. This meant that the screens wouldn’t be playing, because of my tardiness. A whole church would be waiting on me.
Fast forward a few more years, (I must be a slow learner) to a night when we were supposed to go out with friends. The weather was ideal for spreading fertilizer, so we had to miss.
It honestly took me a few years to figure these things out:
- Sometimes, you have to attend an event alone. I’ve went to weddings, parties, graduations, you name it, solo, or with 3 kids in tow.
- If your husband is going to make you late, you can either: A: Drive Separately or B: Drink a glass of wine so you don’t want to rip his head off when he walks through the door.
- Accept that you are a farm family, and sometimes you can’t attend all the fun stuff your friends are attending. We are a team and we are in this together.
I’m much more relaxed about time because I now understand that sometimes, it’s really not Derek’s fault. He may have walked into the hog barn to do chores and found that a piggy has ruined a water line and now there is water spraying everywhere. So, dear ol’ Derek has to fix the water leak so we don’t end up with a pit full of water. Once upon a time I was selfish, “Why doesn’t he hurry?” “I don’t want to be late.” I’ve come to learn that Derek is a lover of animals, and he doesn’t feel comfortable leaving them without fulfilling their needs. So, instead of being angry, I’ve learned to be thankful to be married to such a caring man.
(On occasion I want to scream when he is tinkering with something that COULD wait….its not all perfect here!)
The Second Thing I learned is all about PORK!
There is not one moment in my life that my freezer is not full of MEAT. Pork, beef, chicken…I could feed 200 people with a days notice. It took me YEARS to figure out what to do with certain cuts of meat.
Pork Roast
1. Roast with veggies
2. Cook it and replace it with chicken in A TON of recipes
(Casseroles, Mexican, Italian)
3. Shred it for sandwiches
Fresh Ham Roast
I didn’t know what this was for at least three years. I thought it was ham, similar to what you buy in the store. WRONG. It is a Roast, see above directions.
Cured Ham
This is like ham in the store.
Ground Pork
Replace in recipes for ground beef. I sometimes prefer to use pork over beef because of the flavor. Also, it has a lot less fat.
Ribs
I use them in the instant pot, or cook them all day. Then I either broil in the over, or make the meat into sandwiches.
Pork Sausage
I’m not a huge pork sausage fan. I prefer to use this for breakfast, and SOMETIMES tacos. My friend taught me to use sausage in Chili, that is really good!
Pork Steaks
These are can be tough. I like to slow cook them. My husband enjoys tougher meat, so he likes me to grill them.
Pork Chops
Grill, bake or pan fry
Bacon
No one needs ideas for bacon. Bacon is delicious and it’s usually the first thing gone in our freezer.
The third and final thing I learned, is: How to Adjust to a New Life
I’ve said for YEARS, there needs to be a support group for new farm wives. This is not a job for the weak, and sadly some women get broken and simply cannot handle it. I get it, it can be tough. When you marry a farmer and you know nothing about farming (ME!!), it’s a shocking life. I often have to put three kids to bed, alone, and eating meals alone with the kids, is very normal to me. The housework and 99% of the yard work, is my sole responsibility. There in no secretary or full time accountant here, so that’s another farm wife job. If you know nothing about farm books, let me tell you, there are more transactions in a month than I care to discuss! I’ve had all three of my babies during a busy time of the year, I had to learn to adjust and figure out our new life, alone.
I’ve said more than once I’m happy God made us wait three years before we had our son. I needed this time to adjust to this life.
What I’m trying to say is, if you know a young farm couple and you are an experienced farm couple, take that wife under your wing. Let her know how you too struggled in the beginning. Help her to see that it’s worth working it out and sometimes changing a way of thinking.
Marriage is tough. Then you throw kids into the mix and this makes life even more challenging. Careers can make marriages suffer, too. For me, I had to adjust my way of thinking, and even after 11 years, I’m STILL working on this.
Even though I’ve thought about throwing in the towel, I wouldn’t leave this life for a million dollars. I love that my boys see how hard their daddy and momma work to make this farm and family thrive. Sometimes just being supportive so my husband can work long hours, is the most important thing I do in my day. Also, it’s important to leave the porch and kitchen sink light, on. Farmers appreciate being able to see when they come home at 12 am and have been working since before 8 am. 😉
I’m sure I’ve learned more, but tonight this is where I’m ending.
xoxo,
-k
Adventures in Farmlife 