Life Isn’t Always Beautiful; pick your Spouse Wisely

I struggled with a title for this post. I want to share so many things in this post: appreciation for your spouse, my near death experience, unconditional love, Ectopic Pregnancy awareness, my list goes on…

I’ve been married for 11 years. Some days are better than others, some seasons are better than others. Ultimately, I’m happy. As I lay here in this hospital bed and reflect on my life, I can’t help but be grateful for the man I chose.

No marriage is perfect. No marriage requires zero commitment or sacrifice. One should not marry to create happiness in their life, but I do think happiness after marriage depends a lot on who you are married to.

Thirty six hours ago I left a birthday party and literally felt like I’d eaten too much, or like the two-three beers I’d drank didn’t agree with me. I said to Derek as we walked to our pickup that I felt very bloated. Then I started feeling weak, like I might not make it to the door. As Derek drove home, I reclined my seat and tried to sleep on the hour drive. I kept thinking I must have food poisoning. When we pulled up to our house I stumbled in the door, not because of drunkenness, but because of weakness. My mother in law was watching our kids and I told her before she left that I felt ill and needed to use the bathroom upon my arrival in the house. After using the bathroom, my stomach felt slightly better, but I was still weak. I hollered for Derek to help me slide my jeans over my ankles. He helped me and I climbed into bed. He asked if I was okay because I was so pale. I told him I must be sick.

I slept for two hours and woke at 1am to extreme intestinal pain. Derek helped me out of bed; I was too weak to get out of bed alone. As I walked down the hall, everything turned black. I slowed down to stop myself from passing out. I walked into the bathroom and couldn’t figure out where to sit. I finally remembered we had a toilet, but couldn’t remember how to use my legs to bend. (This should have been a warning to me that I was very sick.) I returned to our room where my husband helped me back into bed. Derek was searching the symptoms of food poisoning on the iPad and we both decided that sounded accurate given my symptoms.

The baby woke three times in the night, Derek calmed him every time. I woke at 8 am and decided to get ready for church and Sunday school. I felt okay enough, but my stomach was puffed out like I was four-five months pregnant.

I taught Sunday school and started to feel very weak. When Derek came into the Sunday school room before church, I told him we needed to go home. The minute we arrived home, I crawled into bed. I tried lying on my right side and was about paralyzed by the pain. I screamed for Derek. He came in, helped me up and said, “You are going to the doctor.”

Being the stubborn woman I am, I told him I was going to call and find out if the professionals thought I should come in. They said I should come in. 😉 Derek loaded the kids, and we drove 15 minutes to the emergency room.

Derek stayed in the waiting room with our three wild animals, I mean children, while they started my examination. The first question, “Could you be pregnant?” Yes. That of course always changes everything, so no X-Ray until they can rule out the possibility of a baby.

After about an hour, they told me I was pregnant. I’d be lying if I told you I screamed with joy, I wasn’t ready for another baby. As I rolled my eyes, I started experiencing unbearable pains in my right side. I heard words like Ectopic pregnancy, appendix, ultrasound, travel 30 miles to a bigger hospital, emergency surgery, death.

Derek came in and I fell apart. Holding me, I told him how scared I was. He looked at me and promised everything was going to be okay. I know he was praying over me, and I too was pleading with God to help me. We loaded into our car and drove to a bigger hospital.

In the emergency room, we had an ultrasound. I prayed that it was my appendix knowing I was pregnant. It was determined that it was an Ectopic pregnancy. Emergency surgery was scheduled. My doctor that had delivered all of my babies was on call. I was relieved to hear his name and even more happy to speak with him.

They took me back for surgery. I kissed Derek goodbye, and they said I should be out in an hour. Derek told me when surgery was over that it took two hours, instead of one. There was a minor hiccup, which made surgery last a little longer than anticipated. The baby was on my ovary, which is EXTREMELY rare, even for Ectopic pregnancy, so they had to take an ovary. Derek told me how much he was praying; trying not to worry and trust God.

By God’s amazing grace, I am still here. An Ectopic pregnancy is life threatening. The reason I felt so bloated and like I had a stomach bug was because my stomach was filling with blood. As I looked at my husband throughout the day, my life came full circle in front of me. Often times it is easy to forget how amazing your life is, or how blessed you are; until you almost lose everything. I almost lost my earthly life and we did lose a baby. My heart is sad for my little heavenly baby, but I am so glad God let me stay with my little boys a while longer. I wasn’t ready for another baby, but knowing you just lost the baby makes you want it, even though it wasn’t in your plans.

I am thankful for the wisdom that the doctors and nurses had. I am thankful for family that was able to help with our boys. I am thankful for an amazing partner who would not watch me be in pain for one more minute. I am thankful to be alive.

I debated writing this post. I’m a fairly private person. Then I decided it was necessary to shed some light on the topic of Ectopic Pregnancy (meaning the baby is not in the correct spot). I would have never in a million years guessed this would happen to me. I didn’t even know I was pregnant at the time of this scare. I was only three-four weeks pregnant. Ectopic pregnancies are rare, but not out of the realm of possibilities.

I also wanted to shed some light on the importance of picking the right spouse. When I was dating (what seem likes 50 years ago) I don’t think I thought too much into my future. Would this man be by my side through the ugly and beautiful moments? Would this man encourage and support me unconditionally? As I look across the living room at night and see Derek sitting there reading an article or watching an informative video, I smile. He chose me, and he hasn’t looked away since. Even though there is chaos in this house, we have each other at the end of the day. We have these three little miracles that look up to us for everything. We have always tried to put our relationship above our children. When the children are grown and gone we get to be together, alone. We love our kids, but we look forward to a time for us.

I’m not a marriage counselor. I do not have solid marriage advice. I do know what real love looks like, because I’ve seen it in my life. I hope that everyone who wants real love gets the opportunity to experience it. It’s a magical thing to see someone at their worst and know you wouldn’t choose anyone else in the world above them.

These last few days have given me a new perspective and appreciation for life. I keep wanting to replay in my head that I nearly died. Derek said to me the other night, “Your angels were helping you. It wasn’t your time.” I smile as I type this because I am so glad I married a man of strong faith. I am so incredibly blessed to have someone help keep me on the right path to Heaven.

My friend has a great page that talks about Love in the Real World, you can follow her here – https://www.facebook.com/Love-in-the-Real-World-127791851264962/

Thanks for listening, I hope you find an ounce of inspiration in this post.

xoxo,

-kim